FFX Weakest Link
by lisamonster
Summary: Final Fantasy 10 edition of the Weakest Link! This is my first fanfic ever, so please R&R but don't be too harsh.
1. Welcome to the Weakest Link!

Standard Disclaimer: I don't own a darn thing.

I used Anne as the host of the show because I like her better than the guy (I forget his name.) This is my first fanfic ever, so it might not be all that great. Please read and review anyway, but I ask that you don't flame. Thanks.

Narrator: The nine people here have all met before and know what it's like to work as a team. Today they will work together as a team for money, then work against each other as round by round a person is voted off as the weakest link!

Anne: Welcome to a special Final Fantasy X version of the Weakest Link! Any of the nine people in the game could win up to a million gil. Only one will leave here rich while the rest will leave with nothing. Turns to contestants This is not a game for slackers..there are no give-me's, no do-overs, no life lines, no hints. You play as a team, but be ready to betray everyone to be rich. The weak of will, the undsteady, the ones who make excuses all will leave with nothing. If you fail, I will tell the whole world you are the weakest link..goodbye. Turns back to audience Some of them will be playing for charity, while the rest chose to keep the money for themselves if they win..rather selfish heroes, aren't they?

Tidus: Hey, I risked my life to save the world, isn't that good enough? I have to give money too?

Auron: Selfish fool…I'll play for charity. As long as I have my weapons, food, whiskey, and clothes, I'll be happy. That's all I need.

Rikku: Yeah..since you wear the same clothes everyday.(Rikku doesn't, because she has different outfits in X-2) Men..how disgusting.

Auron: Glares at Rikku, then smirks. "At least I actually _wear_ clothing."

Tidus: Looks at Rikku and blushes Hey…what's wrong with what she wears..or doesn't wear?

Yuna: Crosses arms Ahem! What was that?

Kimahri: Glares at Tidus

Tidus: o.o' Uh nothing, darling.

Anne: ANYWAY….let's meet the team!

Seymour: Seymour, 25, Maester from Guado…and why do I feel left out of this 'team'?

Wakka: Probably because you're our enemy, ya? The rest of us all work together…so you're the odd one out, Seymour.

Seymour: Glares at Wakka You're one to talk about being 'odd'…

Anne: Getting annoyed Please continue..or are you already stumped on what to do?

Wakka: Oh, eheh, sorry..I'm Wakka, age 24, and Retired blitzball player and captain from Besaid.

Anne: Thank you..was that so hard?

Wakka: Kinda..

Lulu: Rolls eyes Fool..

Auron: Auron..35..-

Tidus: Cuts him off Don't you mean 85, old man?

Auron: Glares at Tidus as he takes out Masamune Crowd gasps, Anne is unphased Don't make me cut that tongue off, boy..

Tidus: Oo' Shuts up

Kimahri: Grins and gives thumbs up to Auron

Auron: Hmph…as I was saying…35…I'm a Legendary Guardian…and it's none of your business where the hell I'm from. Puts Masamune away

Anne: Smirks

Lulu: Grins slightly Lulu, 22, Guardian from Besaid..

Men from audience: Clap and whistle

Married men from audience: Get hit by their wives

Lulu: Gets ready to use firaga You boys want to join me for a barbecue?

Single men from audience: Quickly shut up

Wakka: Ya, because she's taken.

Lulu: Not by you.

Wakka: Blinks, surprised Eh? Who then?

Lulu: Well..no one as of yet…but I'm in between two possibilities.

Auron/Jecht: Grin

Wakka: Crosses arms and pouts

Lulu: Sorry Wakka…but I want a manly man, not a girly man.

Wakka: Stomps feet and keeps pouting But I-

Jecht: Grins proudly and interrupts Jecht, aka Sin…age is none of your business..and I'm the best blitzball player ever, from Zanarkand. Smiles to Lulu, smirks to Wakka And I'm one of the two possibilities Lulu was referring to.

Lulu: Keep being so cocky and you won't be..

Jecht: Huh? What did you say about my cock?

Kimahri: Swings tail back and forth slowly as he crosses his arms Ahem..Me Kimahri..25, Guardian of Yuna..anyone touch her, Kimahri eat you for lunch. ..Kimahri from Gagazet.

Rikku: Is all hyper HI! I'm Rikku, the youngest, prettiest one here…age 15. I'm a thief and from HOME.

Jecht: Heh…and I saw you steal a wallet from that old guy out in row three..

Tidus: Who, Auron?

Auron: Glares again

Rikku: Me? Uhh…I didn't steal anything! Tries to change subject Uhh.. Looks at Kimahri I like your fur..can I pet you?

Kimahri: This not no petting zoo..

Lulu: Aww…how cute…Rikku wants to pet the Kitteh..

Kimahri: ' Kimahri not Kitteh…Kimahri Ronso.

Lulu: You look like a Kitteh, so I will call you one.

Anne: Sometime tonight…please..

Yuna: I'm Yuna, 17, high summoner from Besaid.

Tidus: Tidus, 17, _I_ am the world's best blitzer…Yuna's Guardian and hot boyfriend, and I'm from Zanarkand. Go Abes!

Anne: Finally..now for the rules. The object of the game is to answer the most questions corre-

Jecht: Cuts off Anne Yeah yeah yeah…we know the rules. Let's just get this thing over with so I can win already.."

Anne: This isn't a blitzball game, Jecht. You actually have to know something besides how to kick a ball in order to win this game. That should count you out.

Jecht: Hey!

Anne: Since you all know the rules, we'll start. The first round lasts for two and a half minutes. The order you're playing in was randomly selected before the show. We'll start with the player in the first position. Seymour, that's you. Let's play…the weakest link! Seymour…Using lancet, what ability can be learned from a bomb?

Seymour: self destruct. Kimahri used it on me once…

Anne: Correct…and I'm sure you deserved it. Wakka, The three extra aeons you can acquire are Anima, Yojimbo, and who?

Wakka: Thinks hard Uh…Odin?

Yuna: Smacks self in face Didn't you pay any attention on my pilgrimage!

Wakka: Not really..

Anne: Wrong…Magus sisters. Turns to Auron Mr. Badass, From what myth is Tidus' legendary weapon from?

Auron: Smirks Legendary Irish sword..capable of consuming everything.

Anne: Correct. Lulu, what is the name of Tidus' legendary weapon?

Lulu: Caladbolg..and I'll bet he didn't even know the name of it.

Tidus: Did too!

Lulu: Yeah, but can you spell it?

Tidus: Uhh…c-a…tt…le..b-

Anne: Correct, Lulu. Ignores Tidus Jecht..

Jecht: Bank!

Anne: What is the Al Bhed phrase 'Vehym Vyhdyco Q' translated to in English?

Jecht: Thinks Crap..no, wait!

Anne: Wrong! Final Fantasy X..

Jecht: Crap wasn't my answer!

Anne: Too bad, hot shot. You said it, so that was your answer. Kimahri…what is the treasure you receive for using the destruction sphere in the Zanarkand cloister of trials?

Kimahri: Sways tail Magistral Rod…me pay attention, Yuna.

Yuna: That's because you're a good Guardian.

Anne: Correct, Kitt-I mean Kimahri! Rikku…what is Seymour's final form in the last battle with him?

Rikku: Oooo I know I know, it's Seymour Omnis! Can't forget something so hideous. I had fun kicking his butt then..

Seymour: Stupid little girl..

Rikku: Shut up, fruitcake!

Anne: Correct Rikku! Yuna..whose weapon is the Excalibur?

Yuna: Tidus… Glares at Tidus, still mad that he was staring at Rikku earlier

Anne: Correct! Tidus.. What is the original creature which is underwater, in the monster arena called?

Tidus: Shinryu! It kicked my butt!

Anne: I'm sure it did..

Auron: Hmph..that's because you're a pansy.

Anne: That is correct, Tidus…and I think your assumption is correct as well, Sir Auron. Seymour..

Seymour: Bank!

Anne: Maester Seymour, how many times do you have to use sword play before Tidus can learn blitz ace?

Seymour: Stumped Uh…uh…ten?

Anne: No, try eighty. Wakka…how many times does blitz ace hit if it is successful?

Wakka: Uh…eighty ya?

Anne: No, I would feel sorry for that poor mangled monster. It's five times. Auron..What is the Ronso Maestor's first name?

Auron: Kelk.

Anne: Correct! Lulu..

Lulu: Bank!

Anne: Wha- Sounds play and lights flash Time is up, I cannot complete the question. That was better than most teams I've seen here, but still pathetic. Who has a hot-air filled blitzball for a brain? Let's find out as the players vote off the first weakest link!

Narrator: Statistically, Auron was the strongest link in the first round. Wakka was obviously the weakest link because he's a moron. Will the votes follow the statistics?

Anna: Time's up. Voting is over. Let's see who was voted the weakest link.

Seymour: Wakka

Wakka: Auron

Auron: Glares Wakka

Lulu: The pathetic loser whom I will never date…Wakka

Jecht: Heh, and he thinks he's good at blitzball…Wakka

Kimahri: Kimahri votes for Wakka

Rikku: Ummm…Wakka

Wakka: Getting irritated What is this? Ya'll had this planned didn't you?

Yuna: Wakka..

Tidus: Definatly Wakka

Wakka: Aw man, not fair ya?

Anne: Looks at Auron Auron.

Auron: Anne.

Anne: Are you single?

Auron: Yes but sorry Anne, you're not my type.

Anne: Keeps same expression Do you think your being dead has anything to do with it?

Auron: Not at all…at least my dead corpse doesn't reek like Seymour's does.

Seymour: Hey!

Tidus: How would you know, old man? Been sniffing him lately? Getting a little close with Seymour?

Auron: No of course not, Tidus..no need to get defensive. I wouldn't dream of stealing your man..but his stench can be smelled throughout the room. Anyway…I just haven't found the right woman yet, Anne.

Anne: Do you think Lulu is the right woman?

Auron: Possibly..

Anne: Why did you vote for Wakka? Afraid he will steal your chances of being with her?

Auron: laughs Not hardly. Heck, Tidus would stand more of a chance to be with Lulu than Wakka would. I voted for Wakka because he's an idiot and cost us the most money. Sorry, Wakka.

Anne: Kimahri, you're awfully quiet.

Kimahri: Kimahri only speak when needed.

Anne: Why did you vote for Wakka?

Kimahri: Because Wakka dumdumb…he make us lose easy money. He have to go. Good blitzer, strong fighter, but not smart.

Anne: Wakka….you voted for Auron. You do know that he was the STRONGEST link this round, right?

Wakka: Uhhh…yeah, of course I did! I just don't like him moving in on my territory and stealing my woman, ya?

Lulu: Never was yours, never will be..

Anne: Well, it has been decided. Wakka..with 8 votes, you ARE the weakest link! Goodbye!

Wakka: Aw man… Takes the walk of shame Backstage Eight votes…EIGHT VOTES! It's a conspiracy I tell ya! They must've planned to vote me off from the start, ya? And that Anne gal…she said some pretty harsh things to me too.. She must be trying to deny the fact that she has the hots for me. Auron or Jecht can have Lu, I'm taking Anne! Raaawwwrr!

Bleh, ok I know this kinda sucks, but it is my first fanfic ever. If anyone likes it, I might continue. Please review..I'll accept constructive criticism but no flaming, please.


	2. Heads up?

Disclaimer: I still don't own a thing.

FI think I forgot to mention this in chapter one…For those of you who really like Tidus, Seymour, or Wakka, you might not want to read this, because I bash them a lot-especially Tidus and Seymour because they are pansies..and my friends and I have always bashed them, so it's kind of a habbit. Sorry.

Anne: -Turns to camera- Eight of our heroes remain. Who will be the knight in shining armor to save themselves from the walk of shame? Round two will start when we return to..The Weakest Link!

Commercial Break

All contestants except Auron grab a cup of water from behind their booth-

Auron: -Glances around, then looks to Anne.- Hey where's the booze?

Anne: Sir Auron, this is a game show, not a bar. We just provide water to quench your thirst. I suggest you drink it.

Auron: You've got millions of dollars and you can't even provide us with a beer? Hmph..cheapskates

Anne: We wouldn't want you drunk for the show.. Besides, if you win, you can buy all the 'booze' you want. If you lose, as we say…you leave with nothing.

Seymour: N-nothing? So if we loose…you take our clothes too?

Lulu: -Rolls eyes- Seymour, we all know it's your secret fantasy for Anne to remove your clothes, but no, idiot. She means the losers don't get any money.

Seymour: Oh….darn.

Tidus: Wh-what? She'll take our money! Quick, hide the gil pouch! Some game-show this is..how dare they steal from people!

Jecht: Why…why did I have to have a stupid son…

Lulu: I was wondering the same thing.

Anne: -Smirks- He follows in his father's footsteps

Jecht: Excuse me! Why I oughta-

Anne: You oughta what, Mr. old nothing but a has-been blitzball player?

Jecht: I can still play! I'll show y-

Auron: Let it go, Jecht…she can kick you off the show, ya know. Besides, I have something that will cheer you up. I forgot I had refilled this.. –Unhooks tokkuri from belt and drinks from it-

Jecht: Alright, whiskey! Let me have some, man!

Anne: Just what we need…drunken contestants…

Tidus: -Walks over to talk to Jecht-

Auron: Catch. –Recaps tokkuri and throws it to Jecht- Heads up, Tidus.

Tidus: Do whaturns and sees tokkuri hurtling towards him- Aaaaahhh –Stands there like an idiot and gets conked in the head with tokkuri- Eheeeeeee…whee… -Faints-

Auron: Oops…

Jecht: -Picks up tokkuri- Ah, I don't mind. He's annoying anyway. -Drinks-

Kimahri: -Drags Tidus back to his rightful spot on the platform and lays him there-

Rikku: -Prances over to Auron and pulls on his coat- Hey grumpy! I mean..Sir Auron..

Auron: What do you want?

Rikku: Can I have a drink?

Auron/Anne: NO!

Rikku: B-but why..? –Starts to tear up-

Auron: You're too young..and don't give me that face.

Lulu: Rikku…do you want me to put you in a time out chair?

Rikku: No -Crosses arms and pouts-

Auron: Go bother someone else, brat.

Rikku: Ok! -Walks around, then goes up to Seymour- I'm bored..

Seymour: How is that my problem?

Rikku: Ooo I know what would be fun! Can I braid your hair all pretty and do your makeup and-

Seymour: Excuse me but do I look like a girl to you!

Rikku: Well…….yeah.

Seymour: WHY YOU LITTLE PIPSQUEAK! -Goes to attack-

Lulu: -Grabs Rikku's arm and pulls her away- I told you to behave yourself little girl.

Rikku: -Pouts- It's Auron's fault. He told me to go bother someone else!

Lulu: -Glares at Auron-

Auron: I…wanted to get her away from me.

Seymour: -Smirks- Uh-oh…someone's in trouble with his potential woman.

Anne: I suggest you settle your disputes and save them for voting off the weakest link…we're about to start round two. –blinks- Wait a minute…we're missing a contestant!

Yuna: Tidus.. He is here. He is just… -Looks down to floor- Unconscious…

Seymour: Now what? We can't go on without him.

Wakka: -Comes out from backstage- I'll take his place, ya?

Anne: No. -Shoves him backstage again-

Wakka: Oh ya baby! Come join me backstage later you hot mama!

All contestants: -Laugh-

Anne: -Glares-

All contestants: -Shut up-

Anne: You all will just have to do your best without him. We're going back on the air.

Seymour: But-..

Lulu: What's the matter Seymour? Can't go on without your boyfriend?

Seymour: -Is about to protest when Anne speaks up-

Anne: Welcome back to round two of the Weakest Link. Ten seconds will be taken off the clock, and we'll start with the strongest link from last round, Sir Auron. Let's play…the Weakest Link! Start the clock. -Turns to Auron- What ability is needed on the weapon 'Excalibur' to give it its name?

Auron: Break Damage Limit

Anne: Correct! Lulu, what sphere do you get when you defeat an Earth Eater in the Monster Arena?

Lulu: Fortune sphere.

Anne: Correct. Jecht, which Al Bhed Primer do you find in the Sunken Cave?

Jecht: Er..uh.. –Stumped- How the hell should I know? Volume…ten?

Anne: Not even close. Vol. XXV. Kitty-Kat…How does the overdrive mode 'Comrade' function?

Kimahri: -Growls- Charges when allies take damage..

Anne: Correct. Rikku,

Rikku: Bank baby!

Anne: How many hit points does Seymour Omnis have?

Rikku: Hmm…ten?

Seymour: Very funny…

Anne: No, 80,000. Yuna, the Jumbo Flan is immune to Anima's 'Pain' attack damage. True or False?

Yuna: I believe that is false.

Anne: I believe you are correct. Tidus….What is the name of the song that plays in the Moonflow scene and during the credits after the game?

Tidus: ……………… -Is silent-

Yuna: -Under her breath- Oh he'd better know this one or else..Tidus? –Looks down-

Rikku: Crap, he's still knocked out!

Tidus: …………..

Anne: -Looks at clock-

Jecht: -Curses under his breath- He's running our time out!

Yuna: -Kicks Tidus- C'mon..wake up!

Auron: Smirks Forgive me for this, Yuna… -Yells over to Tidus- Hey Tidus….Yuna is stripping naked for you..

Everyone: -Gasps-

Tidus: -Immediately jumps up- Huh who what! –Sees Yuna fully clothed- Aw darn…why'd you wake me up?

Yuna: -Slaps Tidus, then walks over and slaps Auron- I can't believe you did that Sir Auron!

Auron: -Winces- Sorry..

Yuna: … -Hugs- It's ok. -Goes back to her spot-

Tidus: Hug for me?

Yuna: NO! NOW ANSWER THE DANG QUESTION! –Gives him death glare-

Everyone is stunned to see Yuna act this way-

Jecht: Heh heh..now look who's in trouble..

Tidus: -Flushes pale and gulps- Uh c-could you..er…repeat the question?

Anne: -Decides to have pity on him and repeats the question-

Tidus: Oh uh…

Yuna: -Looks like she's about to kill him-

Tidus: -Sweatdrops- Suteki Da Ne!

Anne: Finally…correct. Seymour, how much MP does the ability 'Osmose' cost to use?

Seymour: Zero.

Lulu: The amount of brain cells he has..

Anne: Correct! Both of you… Sir Auron, How many hit points does Geosgaeno have?

Auron: -Arches eyebrow as he thinks- Hell…I don't remember..40,000?

Anne: Wrong, 32,767

Auron: Dang. I was close..

Tidus: It's that old age that makes you so forgetful!

Auron: Watch it punk, or you won't make it until your next birthday party!

Tidus: Wahhh dad he threatened me!

Jecht: So? If he kills you, I'll help.

Tidus: Meanies! You're a bunch of mean old farts!

Auron: Haven't you wasted enough of our time already this round!

Anne: Agreed. Lulu, Name the ship your party sailed from Kilika to Luca on.

Lulu: S. S. Winno.

Anne: Correct! ..Mr. Wanna-be father who can't raise his kid right..

Jecht: Hey!

Anne: What doesbuzzer sounds- ..Time is up, I cannot complete the question, and it's all Tidus' fault.

Tidus: Hey now..let's not place blame..

Auron: I think we should.

Tidus: Well in that case, it's your fault! You're the one who threw that bottle thingy in the first place!

Auron: You were the one stupid enough to get in the way of a flying projectile.

Anne: Let's..get..voting please..

Contestants: -Vote-

Narrator: This round, statistically Tidus was the weakest link because he wasted so much freaking time. I mean really, what a loser.. That guy-…er…I mean aherm, and Lulu was the strongest link of this round. Let's see if the voting echoes the statistics..

Anne: Alright, voting is over. Whose brain was used as the official blitzball of yesterday's tournament games? Who will be next to take the walk of shame and have to suffer the company of Wakka?

Wakka: -Yells from backstage- Hey I heard that! You know you want to be next to take the walk of fame..er..shame…, Anne! Wooo ya!

Anne: -Ignores the moron yelling from backstage- We will find out when we return to..the Weakest Link!

Commercial Break—

Bleh, sorry this chapter wasn't as long as the last one, and it took awhile for me to get it put up..I don't like it as much as chapter one either. Just so ya know, I'll probably be rather slow in updating this for the next little while. It's getting down to crunch time in the last six weeks of the semester at college. Anyway…yeah, please review and let me know what you think, and also if you have any suggestions. You can also let me know who you think should be voted off next. Thanks!


End file.
